What is Coaching?

The whole field of coaching as a social-science, seems still to be very much in formation. Even so, it appears to me that those in the field are generally in agreement on the following. This list, of course, is not conclusive nor exhaustive, but merely a sample.

Coaching is not self oriented.

In coaching, the coach lives for the success of the coachee; his own success and happiness is to help the client achieve success.  He exists, not to play, but to enable others to play better, not to be the star, but facilitate stars to rise. In many respects, coaching is like teaching.  Yet, while coaching definitely impacts the future and outcomes of the client, it is at the same time very much a present-oriented relationship, providing accountability and focus so that the coachee may recruit all his greatest energies toward doing his very best in the present–on the way to the future. A coachee wins because through coaching he is empowered to gather his own resources, and to focus them in such a way as to reach his focus. The coach wins because he has equipped and empowered his coachee to succeed.

Coaching is not mentoring.

In coaching  a good coach need NOT be an experienced person in the area of his coaching (as opposed to “mentoring”). Coaching, in fact, is more about giving feedback than giving tips and advice. It is more about generating awareness, than about giving pre-fabricated answers. It is all about helping the client discover his own best course of action at a particular moment in time.  The perspective of coaching  is that the person probably has all the approach answers he needs, right within himself, provided that he focus on the right clues.

On the other hand, a mentor gives perspectives, advice and tips based on his own personal experience, some of which may fit for his mentoree, some of which will need to be adapted.  The mentor will prescribe not only the course of action, but also the actual goal and purpose of moving in that direction. Thus, unlike coaching, mentoring assumes right and wrong, better and best. Coaching, on the other hand, seeks to help the coachee explore and venture toward what is best for him, given his vision, values, skill and motivation.

Coaching harnesses latent energy.

Both in the present, as related to his behaviors and attitudes, as well as toward the future, related to his perspectives and objectives, coaching exists so that all movement is harnessed toward the objectives that the coachee himself has defined.  Truthfully, his objectives may be short of his full potential, so that he will need to revise them, once arriving. Yet every successful move toward a goal will be progress, and will be recognized and affirmed by the coach. Such encouragement is very motivational.

Coaching motivates character formation as well as successful behavior.

Sometimes success will be measured as the achievement of the goal; sometimes it will be seen as achievement of character and wisdom, which themselves are essential for the realization of larger goals and purposes. Coaching will equip the coachee to reframe even short-term losses in such a way that his activities are seen as gainful toward his larger objectives and purpose.  There is no loss, only gain.  In fact, in good coaching, there is no failure, only opportunity.

A not-so-perfect world

Perfect, as was described in my previous blog entry, is probably more a perspective than an absolute description of the state of things.  Let me quickly augment the statement with another.  In case you had not noticed, “the world in which we live is “not perfect.” “Wow,” you probably say, “now that’s an understatement.”  So I’ll refrain from describing the obvious, except in summary statement. “Instability, desequilibrium, transience can create either stress or character.”

The simplest solution to dealing with the swirling uncertainty of culture might be to simple “go with the flow,” resisting nothing and seeking some kind of comfort in the cold, dark waters of pessimism. In that stream one will certainly find company (though not true friends)!

To resist, to swim upstream, can be extremely tiring and stressful. To stand, especially on the slippery, muddy riverbed, may seem futile. I would suggest that postmodern culture is such a riverbed. It is not a perfect place to grow anything, except character, a strong sense of purpose and hope.

My suggestion is that the river is a great, if not perfect place to develop stamina, perseverence, a strong sense of destiny, purpose and identity. (Hence, once again a defense of “PERFECT,” as presented before.) Purpose, in this case, is not the adventure of the river, nor even running its rapids. That is short-lived. Just around the bend, the adventure ends after the momentary thrill of hurling  through  rapids and over the falls…

By definition there is no stability in relativism and in the postmodern interpretations of “truth.” There is nothing but murky riverbed in the humanistic definition of morality and being. Nor is there anything particularly outstanding or defining in floating down that river.  No one would call a floater a “hero”; more likely he would be called “a victim.”  So back again to coaching.

To say that a person has all resources within to create for himself a bright future, to define his own purpose and destiny, is like telling a flailing swimmer heading toward the falls to stand on the muddy bed, to think positively and to pull himself out.  Coaching, as great as it can be, must recognize that the flailing coachee-client only stands a chance if he can grab onto something firm, some bedrock of truth and personal value. A coach standing on the riverbank (or worse yet, bouncing in the same thrashing stream), is doing the coachee little service, unless he encourages him toward solid ground.

My suggestion is that in the not-so-perfect world we live in, that solid truth still can be found, and that, standing on that truth, one is in a PERFECT position to not only to survive, but also become a hero.

Back to the point of my last entry. Perfection is not what we find–either within ourselves, or in the circumstance around us. Perfect is not a claim we can make based on the humanistic perspective of innate good, or on the cyclical perspective that the universe will bring us to equilibrium, if we would only tune into its “voice”. “Perfect” an absolute word in itself, only makes sense, and only has guarantees when based on another absolute word: Truth.  And that word only makes sense when it is pulled out of the river of change, and established on something much more solid and objective.

Because that solid vantagepoint does exist, I belive that we live in the perfect day for courage, for character, for heros.  It is the perfect day and place for discovering, defining and refining one’s identity and character, for discovering true meaning and purpose, for finding one’s place in the world. It is the perfect day for creating and becoming a hero.

Just Perfect…

What if….

• My life was perfect…would it be any different than it is now?
• My enemies and opponents were actually my friends?
• My failures were actually my assets?
• My present actually is “as good as it gets?”

If everything were for a good reason,

• my job
• my working situation
• my boss
• my conflicts
• my economic situation
• my friendships
• my enemies.

And,

if all circumstances “work for my good,” would they be any different than they are today?

Now,

what would change, if I actually, truly believed that my life and circumstances are perfect for ME today?

Believe it!

Who needs a Coach?

Life has many cross-roads. Yet there are particular junctures, where much more is at stake:

• at the end of high school, when a person is moving into legal adulthood, and, with that, thinking about the future…whether to continue with school and, if so, whether to go to a technical, job-related study, or into a more academic institution. Sometimes at this age, a person is also in a serious relationship, vying for time and commitment.
• at the end of college (for those that did not take the technical school route), looking through workforce options, thinking now about debt repayment and, at the same time, getting established in a mortgage and family.
• when the nest empties…leaving the couple to live through the next phase, sometimes feeling quite isolated or lost.

Beyond those normal life-phase transitions, we face crises that require changes:

• the loss of a job
• a major accident
• natural disasters
• periods of great recession.

It is common at such a time to ask serious questions, and to ponder serious changes. Yet often these questions do not lead up and out,  but rather, inward and down.  A good coach can make a huge difference!

Coaching brings out the best in person, assisting to move them out of a dark or gray existence, into brightness and color. It helps them discover their hidden gifts and resources, so that they themselves become a gift in their relationships. It enables them to move  from stalemate to passionate and purposive action.

Lasting change

I believe that tranformation is the result of a holistic confrontation. In order for change to last,  it must be processed by, and in turn impact the whole person–his thoughts, feelings, behavior and personal identity.  If it does not, one of these areas will sabotage long term results. One of the areas little emphasized in coaching is the influence and strength of emotions. While not working directly with emotions (understanding the history of a person’s fear, guilt or shame), coaching, through its emphasis on the  congnitive-behavioral dimension of change,  acknowledgement and challenging of feelings that arise, does in fact deal with the whole person. Coaching is not a  “Just do it..” approach.  It is, in fact, action-oriented. When, however, a person changes his behavior,  his new behaviors will actually impact his perspective and better his quality of life, often leading to a new  level of satisfaction.  Good coaching is right there to help recognize accomplishments, and to harness and leverage the energy that the positive realization generates. Based on a person’s success, coaching will assist to route out old apprehensions,  fears of failure, and hestitancy at continued change.  It will celebrate and encourage additional steps, actions and habits promoting an ever growing outward spiral of courage and transformation. Thus, coaching does not dwell on the negative and darkside, while at the same time allowing it to come to the light, where it naturally dissipates. In effect, coaching, through this positive approach, impacts not only a person’s thinking and behaviors, but also his self-perception and feelings. Thus coaching impacts the whole person. And when the whole person is touched, changes last!

On the right trail…

Getting it together

As human beings, we want to be “have-it-altogether-light-and-whole”.  (Mind you, I didn’t say “light in a hole!)  I’m talking about wholeness, completeness, the “put-together-with-a purpose-and-not-just-drifting” feeling of happiness.  A whole number of things contribute to wholeness. For me, it feels like integration, lightness, purpose, freedom, joy. The big question is, “Sure, but how do I get there?” (You were asking that, weren’t you?)

Wholeness has two dimensions:  present and future.

Likely every human being (though I’ve not done the survey!) imagines a future, utopian place of sheer delight and unencumbered joy, a “home on the range…where the sky is NOT cloudy all day!” And, we could all go on describing it.

That day and place are coming, but most people understand that they are future.

The BIG QUESTION is about today.

Can we live, today, with a sense of lightness, purpose, “put-togetherness”, and joy?

A big question. Certainly no panacea! No quick 1-2-3 “pat” answers or plug-it-in-your-cassette pep talk to psyche you up for another day.

Yes, I believe we can live today, and tomorrow in a live awareness of that wholeness (or “abundance,” if you will)! 

Life is … for the living! (Surprised? )

THE ANSWER?

Life is a process, not a product. Living day-to-day wholeness is a journey, not a destination. You travel light; but you still have to carry your basic gear! And having the right travel companion is certainly better than doing it alone!

Let me suggest a “coaching relationship” as that “right companion.” A coach is a mirror, an encourager, a “reframer”, an option-builder, a possibility-thinker, a friend.  Already have one at home?  Great!  Don’t? Get one, and, better yet, become one! And the gear for the journey?  Well, let’s just say for now, that that burden is pretty light.  But we’ll leave that topic for another time.

Why a coach, in the journey to wholeness?

Coaching empowers a person to leave that basement of tangled dreams, frustrated goals and confused relationships. It equips him to walk solidly, intentionally and confidently toward the realization of his dream. In the environment of  a coaching relationship, a person will find positive reinforcement, possibility thinking,  new light and hope,  open horizons and opportunities, and renewed energy for his journey. 

The right coaching empowers wholeness.

Feeling  a bit stuck?

Get a good coach!

Starting with ICA (Internat’l Coaching Academy)

Today I logged on to the ICA site for the first time, browsed around, set up my calendar with courses for Jan, 08 and defined a new password. Unfortunately, I managed also to forget promptly the password I submitted! So, before logging off the site, I downloaded materials for the month, and got as much information as possible on call-in dates and codes! What fun

The course calendar tells me that this study could be a lot of work…but also a lot of fun. I’m hoping to get a good head start during this and next month, prior to our moving to Brazil. After that, I hope we will be able to get an adequate connection so that we can make the best of conference calls!

I’ve dreamt and planned for this program for many months…even years. Now it’s time to take the plunge!

This blog is part of my assignment, so I’ll probably be back regularly!

All the best in 2008!

bh